You Are Perfect for the Heart That’s Meant to Love You.
On Sat 14th Sept I was privileged enough to see attend the Woman’s Conference 2013 c/o SmilerSpice https://www.facebook.com/SmilerSpice and hear author and motivational speaker Trent Shelton speak. Trent Simmons Shelton, whose birthday it is today, born in Little Rock, was an American football NFL player who is now currently the founder and president of a Christian-based non-profit organization, RehabTime. (Renew Every Heart And Body) For more information on Trent Shelton’s Rehab Time check out http://www.rehabtime.org/about-us/
Whether you believe in God or not, whether you are even a Christian or not, Trent Shelton’s words of wisdom will, in some, way shape or form resonate with every soul on the planet. Coming from a life where he was surrounded by girls, money and ‘yes men,’ Trent faced a range of setbacks and challenges that led him onto a path of enlightenment. He discovered the ability to heal through words. Trent doesn’t just reach out to women, but to men, women, youth of all races, backgrounds and ages.
I had never heard of Trent Shelton before until I was invited to this event and realised that his messages to women about self-respect and loving ourselves was something that resonated so deeply with the purpose and message of Mr Wrong. Having been a “Mr Wrong” himself, I was even more amazed at his wisdom and growth through these experiences.
Trent talked about the 9 essential questions we must ask ourselves in order to evaluate our lives. After listening I do think that these questions are essential in order to understand who we are as people, what we will and won’t accept of ourselves and others. Anyone wishing to have a successful, healthy relationship not just with a partner but with all people these questions are for you:
The 9 Essential Questions We Must Ask Ourselves
1) Who Am I?
How many of us really know who we are? Are we fully accepting of ourselves or do we look to others for acceptance? It’s not possible to fulfil our purpose or have meaningful relationship if we do not know who we are. If we do not know who we are, how can we expect others to? We are all perfectly made human beings. We should have confidence in our flaws, realise that our burdens are blessings. These burdens or setbacks that we complain about are actually lessons put in front of us in order for us to learn and accept who we really are. We were all born with the ability to grow seeds. Some grow businesses, some grow homes, families, healthy partnerships, others grow toxic relationships, addictions and unhappiness. The question we must ask ourselves is. What am I watering the seeds with? My mother always brings plants round when she visits me and is constantly reminding me that they must be watered. I loved gardening as a kid and would watch in awe as strawberries, rhubarb, carrots and peas grew happily in the garden. I knew then that they were watered with Love, with dedication and consistency. I knew then that we three children loved watching them grow and nurture their development. We must see our lives, our dreams, our relationships, our hopes, our bodies, minds and hearts as seeds. Do we feed them with love or do we feed them with jealousy, insecurity, hatred, blame- simply abandon or neglect them or do we feed them without fail with unconditional love and respect?
2) What’s my Mindset Fixed On?
Our mindset is a set of predetermined ideas. What do we expect from a relationship? How do we expect to be treated? Do we subconsciously believe that because we were abandoned at birth that we do not deserve to be in a healthy, loving relationship or that we are not worthy of Love? Do we berate ourselves because somebody way back when told us we were ‘nothing?’How aware are we of our mindsets? Some of us exist and exude such positivity and confidence in the inside yet deep inside believe that we are somehow unworthy or undeserving of someone who will treat us well. We align ourselves with that “abuser,” that person who put you down again and again because our mindset attracts them. When we are aware of our mindset, we have the ability to change it. Change your thinking and your thinking will change you! Stay away from people who keep telling you there is something wrong with you. “If someone keeps telling you, you need to be fixed you will always believe you are broken.”- Trent Shelton.
Fix your mind on knowing your worth.
3) Where Are You Going With Your Life?
How many of us, when asked, “What are your values?” can reel them off in a heartbeat? Do we even know what our values are? Values create a clear picture of who we really are and what we expect, and will and won’t accept in our lives or relationships with others. Some of my personal values are that I wish to align myself with men who respect women, with friends who are honest and reliable. I am not saying that the people I surround myself with must believe in the things I believe in in regards to faith, interests and hobbies. I am saying that it is important to share the same values and morals. For example I want to be with a man who has strong family values and puts his family first- anything beyond that I know it will not work. I want to surround myself with friends who lift me up when I am down, who want to see me happy and thriving not unhappy and struggling. Trent talks about knowing your circle. In the depths of depression and struggle, unsurprisingly all the ‘yes men’, the entourage of girls and ‘friends’ disappeared. For it was his lifestyle they liked not him. Know your circle.
Trent Shelton FaceBook- Know Your circle https://www.facebook.com/LikeTrentShelton/posts/480016362077669
Trent Shelton- Know Your Circle youtube clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUYVVIC0wFs
“Your vision will move you forward. Be purpose driven, not results driven.”- Trent Shelton.
4) What Standards Have you Set For Your Life?
Similar to values, standards are not about being ultra picky about the type of partner you want i.e. I want a man who is 6’1, not more no less, with the number plate spelling MR RIGHT or who never tells me I’m nagging, always listens attentively and says just the right thing at the right time, will massage me every night without fail and never puts a foot wrong. Let’s be straight ladies, we all know those men don’t exist! (Or women for that matter!) Standards are about what you will and won’t accept. Standards are about how you wish to be treated. Standards are about what you need and want. Standards are about creating boundaries.
-“Goals are something that you reach, standards are something that you live by.” Trent Shelton
-“Don’t let your past label your standards.” Trent Shelton
5) What is Your Cancer?
A lot of us have been with that ‘bad boy’ or ’emotionally unavailable woman’ that we just can’t keep away from. But have we asked ourselves, what keeps drawing us back? Is it a sense of acceptance when they throw us crumbs of affection our way..that sense of validation that really must come from within? We too often allow ourselves to be drawn back time and time again to things that are wrong for us: men, women, alcohol, drugs, gambling because deep inside we again believe we are not worthy of anything else. We repeat our victim story that we are not worthy by attracting those who share the same belief. Let’s see them as those who came to teach us a lesson. We are worthy of so much more.”Never let anyone take your worth who’s not worth it.”
As women, we are loving and forgiving beings and often take Boomerang Boy back with little argument or work thinking “he’ll change” or “the sex is good.” When someone makes you feel unhappy, when you are crying all the time, begging for love and respect then this message is clear as day. This man is no good for you! We may think we love them. We may truly do but your heart is precious. Don’t hand it over time and time again to those who will only throw it away. If you truly love them, love them unconditionally from a distance. When someone causes you more harm that happiness it’s time to walk away.
-“Don’t be afraid to love from a distance.”
-“Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential.”
6) What does Love mean to You?
This is as simple as day. Once we know what love truly means to us we can easily differentiate between what is Love and what it’s not. If we don’t even know what Love looks like or means to use then we will align ourselves with all sorts of “disguises.”
Remember Love is challenging, no one is perfect, relationships can take work and are not always easy but Love should not hurt, Love should not leave us feeling disrespected, used or abused. When we accept this, this is co dependence. It shouts the message that we believe we should be treated this way and worst of all that we do not Love ourselves.
7) Who is God to Me?
I am aware that not all readers believe in God. I do feel that God has had a bad wrap dating back from the old traditional hellfire and brimstone sermons and beliefs. Too many of us looking outside for what we already have within. Too many of us have been bought up to believe that God has ‘human-like’ qualities and will punish and kill and condemn if we do not do live by a particular Code of Conduct. I have always been a believer of God, who without I would not have made it through the darkest of times. I know that God is Love and that Love is unconditional; without hate, without blame, without judgement. I know that when we all learn to Love each other that way we will have created what is known as “heaven.” When I have faith in my brightest hour as well my darkest hour that Life is working out just as it should that there are greater lessons to be learnt through what we see as ‘adversity’ and that as a human being, I am but a tiny fragment of the world, this planet, this Universe and that there is a much bigger plan that I am unable to see. As someone who likes to be in control, know what’s happening, why it’s happening, when this and that is happening, I have learnt to listen to my inner voice, to listen to God and surrender my fears. In my absolute darkest hour when I asked, I felt God’s absolute protection and Love. I had experiences I’ll never forget and happenings that could not be simply passed off as “coincidences.” When I let go and let God my life started to change..
“Place your life in God’s hands and he will place you in the hands that love you.”- Trent Shelton
“God is close to those broken hearts.”-Trent Shelton
8) How Can I Become a Better Me?
Are you a person of your word? Some people think commitment means marriage and kids and a never ending life of entrapment.
-Commitment– Commitment actually means staying loyal to what you said you would do: staying loyal to your values and standards, to people you have placed in your life and to your own progression and wanting what’s best for your life.
-Discipline– It takes discipline to have to say “no” sometimes but we must get good at saying “no” to the things that no longer serve us well, to the things that damage and hurt us. Say “no” to what is not saying “yes” in your life!”
-Reliability- Reliability means delivering your promises consistently. When you become reliable, you become trustworthy. When you become trustworthy you have the basis of any meaningful relationship.
-Faith- Have faith there are better times, that behind the scenes things are being fixed and healed, that we are experiencing adversity for a reason that there are better times to come. We must also have faith in ourselves. Do not simply sit back and think everything will magically happen for you that your life will be transformed. Your Life will not be transformed unless you make the conscious decision that you WANT it to be changed, that you DESERVE. Whatever God or the Universe has ready for you, you must be ready to receive it. What’s the point in being given a man who respects and adores you if you are only going to punish him for not treating you the way you expect! Too many times I’ve met women who have been hooking up with Mr Bad Man only to have a wonderfully generous, sweet, generous man fall in love with them only for them to walk all over him saying “he’s too kind” or “too nice to me” or “the relationship is boring.” Some people enjoy the drama of an Eastender or Jeremy Kyle relationship. Gratitude.
9) Who Is the Best Me?
This question is for you to answer yourselves. I will leave you with one last quote.
“If the opportunities not there for you, create the opportunity.”
Check out Trent Shelton’s You Are perfect for The Heart That’s Meant to Love You- I’ve been showing this to some of the young people I work with and they love it.
Me meeting Trent
- SmilerSpice Team doing their comedy sketch
Smiler Spice Comedy Duo with Trent
Exactly a year on, my book Mr Wrong was published.
Mr Wrong is an exploration into why some women continually attract Mr Wrong and how to set out on a positive path to Self-discovery.
Please click the link to find out more and order your copy:
Mr Wrong: Learn from Mr Wrong and Claim Mr Right